Meeting Baby Bennett
One year ago today Shayne and I went to Midwest Fertility Clinic for to have our natural IUI done in hopes we would become pregnant. One year ago today, Bennett was conceived. New Years Eve will always hold a special place in our hearts, and we hope you enjoy reading about our journey to meeting sweet Baby Bennett. The best is yet to be!
The day had come. I couldn't believe it. I was forty-one weeks and two days pregnant, and we were finally on our way to IU North to meet our baby.
Earlier that afternoon we had lunch with our family and one of my dear friends who flew in from California to be here for the baby's arrival. Lunch was great, but leaving my family was really hard. I remember hugging my sister before we left and starting to cry. We both did. And then I hugged a few more people, and I cried even more. It was such an emotional time. Our journey, our path to parenthood ... it all led up to this moment and it was overwhelmingly exciting. I had been waiting for this day for a long time. I couldn't wait to be a mommy, and I was even more excited to make my husband [Shayne] a dad.
After thirty-one hours and twenty-two minutes of being in the hospital, we finally found out that we were having a son. We finally got to meet our sweet Bennett!
Bennett
Our Family
Bennett
So let's back up...
My pregnancy.
After struggling with infertility for so long, I felt incredibly blessed to be able to enjoy this very special time in our life. My pregnancy was smooth. I barely had any morning sickness, I felt fairly well-rested, and I was able to continue practicing hot yoga throughout all three trimesters. I absolutely loved being pregnant! In fact, as the baby's birth day neared, I felt myself feeling really sad that the pregnancy was almost over. I was sad because I didn't know if I'd ever get the opportunity to experience pregnancy again. I was, of course, really excited too! I was so anxious to see how the baby's birth day would unfold. I couldn't wait to see his or her little face, and to see my body go through the miraculous transformation that happens during birth.
Planning for the baby's birth day.
Fairly early on in my pregnancy, Shayne and I talked about hiring a doula to support us during the baby's birth. I have epilepsy, and because my seizures are typically caused by stress and sleep deprivation (which both shout labor!), I really wanted to make sure that Shayne would have the support he needed in case something happened. After interviewing a few doulas, we decided to hire Brandie from Hoosier Doula. We cannot say enough good things about Brandie .... we just love her!
Brandie helped us to prepare for our birthing time as much as possible. She educated us on what labor would be like, she prepared us for some obstacles we might encounter, and she empowered us to have a voice. I remember having a conversation with her during one of our meetings about my priorities: 1. not having a seizure 2. not having a c-section 3. not getting an epidural 4. not being induced.
Being induced at forty-one weeks and two days.
Yep ... you read that right. I was induced. One of the four things on my list of priorities that I didn't want to happen. My pregnancy had gone so smoothly and the baby always seemed to be in the right position when we went to our doctors appointments, so we really never thought we would get to the point of induction. I was totally bummed.
There are several reasons why one would choose not to be induced, and we agreed with that reasoning. We felt like when the time was right, my body would know what to do. BUT....after being presented with a non-medicated option, we decided to move forward with scheduling the induction. We felt good about using the Foley balloon catheter, but still had hoped the baby would just naturally come before we had to go in to the hospital on Sunday [October 2nd].
October 2nd, 2016
We left for the hospital about 6:30p on Sunday, and by 7:30p the ball was rolling! The catheter was placed and I started experiencing pressure waves around 10p. And, I'll admit it ... as much as I didn't want to be induced, I was extremely excited that we were getting closer to meeting our baby! My heart was fluttering with excitement!
That first night at the hospital was good, but long ... mostly because I was so excited, but also because my pressure waves started just as I was trying to go to sleep. Thankfully, I was able to catch a few hours of shut eye before Dr. Pease came in to see me the next morning. I was so anxious to find out how much I had progressed overnight!
October 3rd, 2016
When Dr. Pease came in to check on me Monday morning around 9a, I had only progressed to two centimeters. I went in at one centimeter dilated and 80% effaced. Again, a total letdown. I was so frustrated with my body.
After talking through what our next steps might be with Dr. Pease, Shayne and I asked to have some time to discuss our options. We called my sister to find out what she did when she was induced, and we called Brandie to catch her up to speed and ask her opinion.
Pitocin, Cervidil, breaking my water, getting an epidural ... all things that I really didn't want to have to mess with. Why wouldn't my body just do what it needed to do?! It was time! Or at least it felt that way.
Thankfully, after reading through my chart, Dr. Pease realized that the doctor on call the night before hadn't filled the catheter all the way up. UGH! She had only filled it to 40cc instead of to 80cc. Why? I have no idea. Regardless, that helped make our next decision a little easier. Dr. Pease filled the catheter all the way up and then came back later that afternoon.
I was progressing!
Dr. Pease came back in to check me around 2:30p and I had progressed to six centimeters. Thank you, God! Finally ... things were progressing! Dr. Pease broke my water and labor was underway. So much excitement!
Brandie arrived around 3:30p and at that time, my pressure waves were intermittent. I was walking around the halls of the hospital, using the labor tub, and listening to my Hypnobabies tracks. I was doing good. I felt good. With Shayne and Brandie both by my side cheering me on ... I thought, "I got this!"
The next seven hours.
From 3:30p until 10:15p the pressure waves intensified, but never got closer together. During those seven hours, I continued using the labor tub, I was walking the halls, I was listening to my labor playlist (which I still love listening to today!), and I was practicing my Hypnobabies.
Labor Tub
Labor Tub
Labor Tub
Dr. Pease came in at 7:30p and checked my cervix, and I was still at six centimeters and 80% effaced. I remember feeling really frustrated again, but I tried my best to reel it in. I tried to stay focused and stay positive. I knew that my body was meant to give birth, and I trusted that it would happen in time. We decided to just continue doing what we were doing. No drugs or medications ... including an epidural.
In between pressure waves, Brandie and I talked again about about what my priorities were: 1. not having a seizure 2. not having a c-section 3. not getting an epidural. The pressure waves were picking up though. They were becoming more and more intense. I was crying at the start of each one, I was bracing myself against Brandie and Shayne, and I was breathing as deeply and calmly as possible. Things were getting serious!
By 9:00p, my pressure waves had started to intensify even more. They were getting ridiculously stronger, but not any closer together. And by 9:50p, I was spent. I didn't want to be laboring any longer. I was feeling stressed, but wanted to stay positive. I remember telling Shayne, "I'm going to make this happen by midnight! I promise, I am going to make this happen!"
My last cervical check.
At 10:15p I requested a cervical check. I had not progressed at all.
I lost it. I felt defeated. I was pissed. I worked so hard for so many hours and still no progress?! I couldn't handle it anymore and my emotions and the pain got the best of me. I was screaming for an epidural. Pleading that the doctor come quick. I was in so much pain it was unbearable. I remember thinking that I didn't even want to have the baby anymore, and then I felt guilty for feeling that way after going through infertility for so long. I was a MESS!
My epidural was in and then ... it happened.
At 11:45p my epidural was in and I was feeling much better! I was resting in bed with Brandie on my left and Shayne on my right. And then...just like that, my head started to shake. It started shaking to the right just as it does every time when I start having a seizure. Fail. My body failed me again. The one thing [the most important thing to me] that I didn't want to happen during birth ... happened. I had a Grand Mal seizure.
I slept for about an hour at Shayne's request on my behalf. He went out and told our families. Everyone cried. When I woke up, I cried to Shayne. Why wouldn't my body just work the way it was supposed to? Why was I struggling so much?
With Dr. Pease, Brandie, and Shayne standing above me and talking me through my options, I decided to opt for a c-section. I remember looking at Shayne and he told me, "It is okay. It is okay to choose to have the c-section, babe." And so I did.
That was at 1:30a and by 2:22a [on Tuesday, October 4th] we found out that we were parents to a 7lb 13oz baby boy! Bennett Chapman Samples. He was finally here. My heart exploded the first time I saw his face, and it exploded again when I saw my husband holding him in his arms.
It was all well worth it, but I still felt sad.
For many, many weeks I felt incredibly sad and depressed about the way our birth story ended up. I couldn't even talk about it without bursting into tears. I was pissed at myself for having a seizure, and for not giving in to the epidural before my body was in such distress. I was pissed at my body for not working how I knew that it could work. It was made to do this! I was mad that every. single. one of my priorities, the things I didn't want to happen during birth, happened. I was pissed. I was pissed, and sad, and upset, and I hated that we didn't have a better birth experience. I hated that my body failed me again, just as it did when we were trying to get pregnant for all those years. The feelings that I felt when we were going through infertility ... ya, they all came flooding back. I was so upset.
But the most important thing, and what I finally came to realize, is that we're all okay. Bennett is healthy. He is here. And for that ... I will be forever grateful.
For I remembered, the struggle is part of the story....